Warren L. Waterman

Is Kim K. losing her lustre?

Jennifer Lawrence named AskMen’s Most Desirable Woman of 2013, Kim Kardashian drops 90 (!!!) spots.

Oh. My. Gossip. The end could be near — in a completely fabulous way. I never thought I’d see the day when Kim Kardashian would follow in the washed-up, stiletto-ed footsteps of Paris Hilton but this may be the dawn of a new era.

AskMen.com released its Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2013 list and the cream of the the crop is Jennifer Lawrence (duh, because she’s totally awesome) and bottoms (well, almost) is Kardashian. Heh.

Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook (Have you seen it yet? If not, RUN to the theatre.) has changed everything for Jen, rocketing her up 46 spots from 2012. Her movies may have gotten her loads of attention, but what makes her so wanted is because she’s real, sarcastic and self-deprecating but still manages to convey sexiness, strength and beauty all at the same time. Damn right she’s number one. But because of it, Lawrence knocked Sofia Vergara out of the top spot and bumped her down to No. 12. Not surprisingly, Mila Kunis, Kate Upton, Rihanna and Emma Stone round out the top five, followed by Miranda Kerr, Kristen Stewart, modelJessica Gomes, Mad Men’s Jessica Paré, and dancing hurdler Michelle Jenneke.

AskMen’s ranking system is made up of editors’ picks and readers’ votes so perhaps there is hope for better, less famewhorish days. Kardashian almost fell off the list entirely, plummeting from No. 8 to No. 98 (!!!), but what’s most astonishing is that Jennifer Lopez, Megan Fox and Gisele Bundchen failed to make the cut.

I find it odd that Kim beat out J.Lo, Fox and Bundchen, but I suppose they’ve been too busy with concert tours and having babies to pimp themselves out at every opportunity. Looks like Pimp Mama Kris has dropped the ball and isn’t doing her job. There’s always 2014, Kim. (Please, AskMen.com, no.)

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Hathaway pulled a Britney

Anne Hathaway has been in her glory over the past several weeks as she and the rest of the Les Misérables cast and crew promote the heck out of their upcoming movie. Anne was on quite a roll until Monday night when she arrived at the film’s NYC premiere — and showed everyone her goodies.

“I was getting out of the car and my dress was so tight that I didn’t realize it until I saw all the photographers’ flashes,” she told Vanity Fair writer Ingrid Sischy (via New York Daily News) the next day. “It was devastating. They saw everything. I might as well have lifted up my skirt for them.”

Hathaway was trying to get out of the black SUV, as smoothly as possible, but when she swung her weird boots toward the curb, the slit of her dress couldn’t handle that much movement — and she flashed her bits to the waiting cameras.

Poor Anne. She usually has it all together, so this has got to be mortifying for her. Ths is the kind of thing that happens to Britney (well, back in the day), Lindsay and Paris, but a future Oscar nominee? Honestly, though, this’ll all be forgotten by the time her name’s being said during some awards ceremony. And Anne, being the good sport she is, will probably make a crack about it while presenting or accepting one of those awards. What I have to wonder is, what made her (or her stylist) think those gladiator/dominatrix strappy leather leg warmers were a good idea. I blame her wardrobe malfunction on those bad boys (and the weird bubble cape at the back didn’t help). It all probably got in the way of her trying to seamlessly exit her car.

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Bitter Hollywood ex-bodyguard threatening revenge tell-all

Ever noticed how reading between the lines of some stories ends up yielding the most telling information? That’s certainly true in the saga of Leonard Taylor, former bodyguard to Mark Wahlberg, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis and others who is apparently about to unleash a scathing memoir accusing his former employers of desertion and poor treatment.

According to a story in the New York Daily News, Taylor, 43, “feels ‘used’ by a number of his former clients and is almost finished with a memoir… that will even the score.” Oh, dear.

“Why should I respect their privacy when they don’t care about me?” Taylor is quoted as saying before setting out a laundry of complaints.

Chief among them: with the exception of Willis, his famous former clients abandoned him when he battled drug addiction, depression and homelessness from 2004-05 and, more recently, from 2008-11 (though the story doesn’t indicate what Taylor was expecting).

Now here comes the read-between-the-lines action. Of Wahlberg, the NYDN quotes Taylor as saying he “filled my head with dreams and then kicked me to the curb. I spent three-and-a-half years [protecting him] and he didn’t pay me a dime.”

Sorry to be cynical but wouldn’t most rational working people have been out the door at the one-month mark when no payment for services rendered had materialized? The three-month mark, surely, but three years and your employer is a bazillionaire movie star?

Why would anyone continue working for someone for three years for free… unless maybe (sorry, sorry, cynicism again) they were starstruck hangers-on who maybe, just maybe, had access to illicit things otherwise not available to the average Joe? Just asking.

Taylor claims Wahlberg promised to take care of him but their relationship ended in 2001 when the two got into a headlines-making fight outside a downtown Manhattan club over what Taylor, an African-American, says was a racially insensitive remark, according to the NYDN.

As for Thurman — whom Taylor famously rescued from a stalled Manhattan elevator in 2006 where she was trapped with seven others while shooting The Accidental Husband — Taylor says she “was the nicest person in the world for 24 hours” but then “went back to being nasty and cold.”

Her attitude “just sucked the life out of me,” he says. Wow. Really? What next… she’s dead at recess?

I mean, seriously, what does this guy expect? Granted, being nice counts but given his own admitted problems with substance abuse and homelessness, it’s not a leap in logic to think Taylor might have been a wee bit volatile as an employee.

Maybe that’s the point: he thought he was more than an employee. Anyway, the NYDN says the book is “90% done,” and Taylor will shop the manuscript for a publisher upon completion, adding that the book will also delve into the shady practices and racist undertones of the nightlife scene.

And presumably, Wahlberg and Thurman will roll over and go back to sleep.

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Overexposure has taught Kim a few things

Much like Jennifer Aniston, the Kardashians are often covered around these parts. Many of you yell at us for writing about the do-nothings, and believe me, I feel the same way about them as you do. But there are times when a J.Lo and Casper picture just won’t do and we need content — and the Kardashians are nothing if not givers of content.

While Khloe covers next month’s Cosmo, her sister, Kim, is the May cover girl of the U.K.’s Cosmopolitan magazine (via Radar Online), and she opens up about what her failed 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries has taught her: never to flaunt a romance in front of the cameras. Fat a** chance. That’s not going to happen if Pimp Mama Krishas anything to say about it.

“We know that we put ourselves in the public eye,” Kim explains about her family. “We love doing our reality show and it’s opened doors for us to have clothing lines… and do things that we’ve always dreamed of. So it comes with the territory and we know that. But as I get older and go through certain things, it’s made me want to be more of a private person.”

That would be all well and good… if she didn’t continue with this gem: “I don’t think I would stop doing the reality show — I love doing it — but I wouldn’t have another relationship shown on the show. That might be too personal, especially when you’re just meeting someone. It’s taught me to be more private.”

“Might” be too personal? Kim is delusional if she thinks she can maintain the reality show that put her on the map (well, aside from that sex tape) while not exposing any future relationships. Can it be done? Yes. Can it be done by Kim? Heck, no. Without the on-screen drama of a boyfriend/fiancé/husband, a storyline about their latest lingerie or Shoppers Drug Mart perfume simply isn’t enough to satisfy the masses. Or E!, for that matter.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter because Kim says she isn’t “even close to dating again,” and just wants to “work on me for a bit.” I think if we were to hear Humphries’ side, he would say nothing’s changed since throughout their entire relationship, it was about her and only her. How much more work can possibly be done?

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J.Love wants Adam Levine

There are some people who reek. And there are some who reek of desperation. Considering Jennifer Love Hewittdabs vanilla on her neck to attract guys, I think we all know which column she falls under.

Poor J.Love. Sweet, adorable J.Love. She’s beautiful, nice and down-to-earth, yet sadly, her singlehood has become a bit of a joke. Maybe it’s because she’s too open, or maybe she just doesn’t care what people think; in any case, her go-to topic is her love life (or lack of one) and her appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (viaPeople) was no different.

The actress is promoting her new TV series, The Client List, and dished about her latest crush: Adam Levine.

“I am very single,” said Jennifer (so I guess she’s not dating her co-star). When Ellen asked if she had her eye on anybody, the unfiltered actress “jokingly” replied, “I just read two days ago that Adam Levine is single again. I’m just saying… Look, we would be cute.”

Yeah, yeah, it’s a cute clip, and if it were anybody else, I’d think it was funny. But you know deep down, Hewitt is really hoping Ellen will somehow make a love connection for her and Levine, who just split from his model girlfriend, Anne Vyalitsyna, of two years.

Jen and Adam? I just don’t see it. She seems as sweet and innocent as a basket full of baby bunnies. Adam is a notorious ladies’ man who recently admitted that he often has unprotected sex. Just… no, Jennifer. NO. She needs to stop hunting down Bachelors, and telling the world about her pre-selected engagement rings and vajazzling habits. Otherwise Love’s going to mess any chance she has at love and just keep scaring away any prospective boyfriends.

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Alec Baldwin: Saved by yoga

New York paper gleefully fires back at hothead actor, suggests regular asanas.

Hilaria Thomas and Alec Baldwin attend the 2012 NFL Honors at the Murat Theatre on February 4, 2012 in Indianapolis, Indiana, courtesy Getty Images.
You wouldn’t think it possible to add another chapter to the story of yoga, which already spans the globe and the millennia. And yet, there is. In addition to helping the great unwashed combat stress and get fit, yoga has also been able to do what Kim Basinger could not: save Alec Baldwin from himself.

Evidently, 54-year-old Baldwin’s recent engagement to 28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas – and his presumed participation in the practice – has the LuluLemon set all a-twitter, suggesting that Baldwin’s legendary hot temper is certain to be assuaged by regular sessions of downward dog and camel.

Really.

The New York Daily News cheekily quotes several yogis in the Manhattan area who insist regular practice will imbue the actor with the kind of calm apparently lacking in his tweets and beyond, resulting in a happier man (though contentment often augurs poorly for the creativity, but we digress).

This, of course, is the same New York Daily News that felt Baldwin’s wrath earlier this week when a photographer and reporter camped outside Thomas’ studio to catch a snap of the instructor and her swanky new diamond engagement ring.

Baldwin tweeted: “Shame on the no-talent trash from the Daily News for invading the privacy of 75 people in a yoga class to take a picture of someone. Rest in Peace, the New York Daily News, which was once a good newspaper. Now run by the same trash that runs the New York Post.”

Them’s fighting words – and there were more issued by Baldwin throughout the day – but clearly, the NYDN has decided to turn the other cheek and focus on the potential stress-fighting benefits of yoga that surely await the newly betrothed actor. The rag even goes so far as to suggest optimum poses for Baldwin (tee hee).

“It’s very good for releasing stress,” the paper quotes Jennifer Lobo, co-owner of Bikram Yoga NYC, as saying.

Lobo said she’d also make the half-tortoise pose an integral part of Baldwin’s routine. To perform the half tortoise, yogis sit on their knees and lie forward with their hands extended in front of them.

“When you bring your head below your heart, it slows down your heart rate,” said Lobo. “It’s a calming posture.”

As the NYDN notes, last December, the 30 Rock star was kicked off an American Airlines flight after a heated confrontation with a flight attendant who told him to turn off his Words with Friends game.

And, of course, the most infamous incident of all happened back in 2007 when Baldwin left a ranting voicemail message for his daughter Ireland that was leaked and for which Baldwin apologized, citing a nasty dispute with Ireland’s mom, his ex-wife Basinger.

In this round, it looks like NYDN – one, Baldwin – nil. Don’t worry… we’ll keep watching. And Namaste.

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