Holy speedy recovery, Batman! Heidi Klum already dating?

If this item is true – and why wouldn’t it be, coming from the rock-solid journalistic beacon that is The National Enquirer? – then our gal Heidi Klum is a hero to the heartbroken everywhere.

Apparently, just days after filing for divorce from musician husband Seal, the supermodel and reality TV star was seen canoodling (is that word officially over now, BTW?) with her Germany’s Next Top Model co-star and countryman Thomas Hayo over lunch in California.

Because nothing says “I am SO over it” more voluably than Niçoise salad with a side of luuurve, gallons of self-pitying ice cream be damned!

According to The Enquirer, Hayo – apparently a 40-something New York marketing exec and co-judge on Klum’s newest showbiz venture (that’s him pictured with Klum on-set) – was spotted feeding Heidi a nibble from a fork while gazing “deeply into her eyes and caressing her shapely thigh as the pair sat together at lunch.”

Jeesh, if this gossip thing doesn’t work out, the Enquirer scribe who penned this ought to seek employment with Harlequin Romance.

Anyhoo, an “insider” is quoted as saying, “They wanted to keep their romance a secret, but for staffers on the set, it was pretty obvious. They are flirting and act like a couple. He was all over her,’ said the source, ‘and Heidi didn’t seem to mind a bit!’

“After her recent split from Seal, the 38-year-old stunner said she was ready to ‘move forward’ with her life, but co-workers say it looks more like ‘fast forward.’”

Hahahahahaha! Love that. And sad as I am (along with the rest of the planet) that Heidi and Seal couldn’t make their marriage work despite seeming, for all appearances, to be The Most In-Love People in the World™, at least our gal isn’t moping around denying everyone the sunlight of her smile.

If if I were this Hayo fellow, I wouldn’t get my hopes up as this has all the trademarks of a classic rebound. Still, given a chance to score with Heidi Klum seems like a reasonable risk.

Will Michelle Williams ever be over Heath?

Not if Us Weekly has anything to do with it. As Williams moves on with her new beau, Jason Segel, the media keeps digging up ghosts.

As you can see, the new issue of Us Weekly is doing its darndest to connect Michelle Williams’ current romance with Jason Segel to her previous romance with Heath Ledger. The move is  a little gross (can’t the man rest in peace?) and a lot obvious (Us is in the magazine-selling biz, and Michelle on her own doesn’t tend to move much paper).

I haven’t read the actual story, but the gist seems to be that Williams (who is mom to Ledger’s now-six-year-old daughter, Matilda Rose) doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes she made with Heath in her new relationship. Wait, I’m sorry — is Jason Segel also a troubled twenty-something with serious drug and depression issues??

Of course she doesn’t want to go back down that road and of course she will always wonder what could have been with Heath, but I’d say that’s where any connection ends. It’s been five years since Ledger’s death, so obviously Michelle has done a lot of maturing, and so far her relationship with the How I Met Your Mother star seems to be moving along swimmingly.

I guess just the fact that she has a boyfriend, especially one she is willing to date in public, is sort of a big deal. Remember she dated Spike Jonze shortly after Heath died, but later admitted it was too soon. Since then it has been pretty much a man drought — so much so that a lot of people started to assume that she and her BFF Busy Phillips were more than just friends.

(Speaking of Busy, I’m assuming that she is the connection between the new young lovers, since she starred with Segel on the amazing but underappreciated Freaks and Geeks.)

Anyway, despite Us’ claim that the big story here is Michelle doing everything she can to escape the ghost of Heath, I would say the real story is that she recently introduced her new beau to Matilda. This is definitely a big deal for a woman who has stated on umpteen occasions that being Matilda’s mom is the only thing that matters in her life… blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Click here to see snaps of Jason standing by while little Ledger plays on her scooter outside Michelle’s Brooklyn digs. Also note that Michelle is smoking in the date night photos. Guess someone isn’t a total goody-goody after all.

Photo Opp: Meet Drew Barrymore’s little girl

Olive Barrymore Kopelman makes her magazine debut. 

Good on Drew Barrymore. The new mom waited a record nine weeks before accepting buckets of gold to put her baby daughter on the cover of People magazine, beating the previous record holder, Snooki, by nine weeks.

In the cover photo, the actress looks enraptured by little Olive Barrymore Kopelman, the latest addition to the legendary Barrymore acting clan.

And Olive, in the eternally wise words of Dlisted’s Michael K, looks like a baby.

I’m sure she will grow up to be a beautiful, awesome and talented person because Drew is all of these things and she’s the one who will be raising her. Not to mention how she’s been through the ringer and come out brilliantly on the other side. She’ll know how to steer her daughter right amid all the young-person hazards of Hollywood.

It’s also very sweet to hear her transfer her habitual sunny enthusiasm over to motherhood. Observe:

“I really wanted a wonderful traditional home for my kid… Will comes from a strong family, he provides a strong family … For people who didn’t have the strongest families or traditional families, if you can create that, you can have a second chance. It just makes me so emotional because it’s like a miracle,” she told the magazine.

“One of Barrymore and Kopelman’s favorite things? Singing ‘Good Morning’ from Singin’ in the Rain to get little Olive to smile. Says the actress: ‘It’s like the biggest crush I’ve ever had in my life!’” [via People.]

See? Who else would describe their baby that way? No one, that’s who.

Celebrity baby photo spreads are generally one-note features. I mean, there are only so many ways for a famous person to talk about how magical and amazing and special motherhood is.

But with Drew it feels a little different. Considering the incredibly difficult relationship she had with her own mother, there’s something a bit redemptive and healing about it.

Octomom death threat leaves a mark

I’m not a fan of Nadya Suleman. The single mother of 14 has serious problems (of the financial, emotional and mental variety), but I would never wish any harm on her. Someone else does, though.

Some nut job doesn’t love Octomom’s existence and sent a death threat her way — by throwing a brick through her car window and leaving a lovely note inside. Hey, at least he or she took the time to hand-write it.

TMZ, of course, has photos from the incident. Suleman told the gossip site “she heard several strange noises outside her house early Saturday morning” but didn’t think too much of it and went back to sleep. She woke up around 9 a.m. to her neighbours at her door, where they informed Nadya her car window had been broken.

The most disturbing part was what the vandal left behind — a note that read: “Leave California or you will die.” The most surprising part? Nadya has 14 kids but can still loll in bed until 9 in the morning. That’s just messed up (both the threatening note, and her wake-up time).

People are pissed that Octomom has decided to go on welfare (something she claimed she would never do), eating up thousands of dollars a month in taxpayers’ money. I get it. It’s definitely maddening. But busting up her car isn’t going to change things. Now she has to find a way to come up with the money to fix the window — yet another hurdle she has to get over.

There is another theory floating around: that Octomom did this herself, to drum up some sympathy. Either that, or it’s being filmed for a pilot of the reality show she’s always dreamed of. That would be a win-win. She would no longer need assistance, and be a star in her own mind.

TV show uncovers a disturbing link between Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick.

There has never been any doubt in my mind that some things are better left unknown. Exactly what’s in Hot Wings & Blue Cheese Doritos, for example. Or what my cat really thinks of me when I catch him giving me the stink eye from across the room.

Add ‘whether or not you are blood relatives with your own spouse’ to that list.

The braintrust over at People Magazine are flagging an item that claims actor Kevin Bacon and longtime wife, actress Kyra Sedgwick are actually distinct cousins and that the revelation comes courtesy of the Sunday night PBS show on genealogy, Finding Your Roots.

Shudder. Honestly, if this item had appeared a few days ago I would have sworn it was an April Fool’s joke. I mean Kevin Bacon of all people – he of the ‘six degrees of Kevin Bacon’ phenom that suggests all of Hollywood is linked to the Footloose actor by six steps? That guy is actually related to his own wife? Jeesh that’s rich.

Anyway as People helpfully adds, the program – which uses DNA searches – is hosted by Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates, Jr., who, reports Zap2It.com, says the married couple “are indeed distant cousins. So talk about six degrees of separation, right?”

As for what good all this uprooting of family trees can do, Gates is also quoted as saying, “I want … Americans [to] realize how united we are as a people. … There’s so much animosity … and one of the things that I want the series to do is to show that, deep down, we are all Americans. We’ve been sleeping together from the very beginning of the country.”

Mr. Gates might want to rethink that quote; you can practically hear our American cousins throwing up just a little in their mouths right now at the thought of that. Or maybe that was me…

Seriously though, I bet if you asked Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick if they had any hunch they were connected on a deeper, almost primordial level, they’d cop to it. Married for 23 years in Hollywood? On par with alien invasion on the probability scale… and maybe even slightly less likely than that.

It’s a Christmas miracle: Tom to spend the holidays with Suri

Tom Cruise claims he will spend Christmas with all three of his kids

Tom Cruise made major headlines through the fall for all of the time he spent removed from his beloved six-year-old Suri. There was even some speculation that the Church of Sci was responsible for the lack of daddy-daughter time. But then (thank Xenu!), all was well again when Little Cruise made a top-secret trip to London to spend American Thanksgiving with dad.

And now it seems Tom has made another significant stride in the tooth and nail battle for Suri’s affection totally mature divorce proceedings.

Speaking with People magazine at the premier of his new movie Jack Reacher, Tom revealed that he will be spending Christmas with all three of his children. “We are all going to be together. I am looking forward to it,” says Cruise.

The actor also revealed that he already has a lot of “special plans” in the works, which I’m guessing are pretty darn special given that we’re talking about a man who rents out Disney Land at the drop of a hat.

Tom made no mention of his former Mrs., Katie Holmes, though I very much doubt she will be joining in the Very Cruisey Christmas festivities. I’m sort of surprised that she let her ex have Suri on both Christmas and Thanksgiving. In fact, I’m almost wondering if Tom might be practicing a little bit of “if you build it, it will come” type wishful thinking.

Picture it: Suri Cruise picks up a copy of People magazine (what—you don’t think Suri reads People—please!) She reads a story about how she will be spending a fun-filled Christmas with her brother and sister and her dad who she probably loves a lot despite his arguably crazy antics.

All of a sudden Katie looks like a big grinch.

I’m probably wrong, but remember this is the same man who bought a home sonogram machine so he could personally track his wife’s pregnancy—Tom Cruise does not relinquish control without a fight. This whole leaving Suri with Katie thing may very well have been his way of installing a false sense of security before he swoops in to fight the custody battle of the century.

Why does Kelsey have to make things so difficult?

We already know Kelsey Grammer won’t say his ex-wife Camille’s name. He doesn’t explain why, just that he refuses to say it. Weirdo. But you know who else can’t utter “Camille”? Their kids.

Anderson Cooper interviewed Camille on his daytime show, and Kelsey’s real-life Lilith talks about how hard it is sharing custody with Frasier Crane himself.

“It very difficult to co-parent with someone who won’t speak to you, text you or email you,” Camille told Anderson on today’s show (via E! Online). “He doesn’t speak to me at all. So it’s very, very difficult because I’ve reached out to him. I think it’s very important to be amicable to raise children and he refuses to. There’s just so much I can do at this point.”

Camille added: “I mean, we were best friends and I miss my best friend. So, it would be nice. I know it’s never going to be that relationship or that friendship for whatever reason, but just for us to get along, for the sake of our children.”

Instead, they communicate through their lawyers, “so we are spending a fortune just to try to co-parent, which is ridiculous.” What’s even more ridiculous is that their kids can’t even say their mom’s name when he’s around.

“[It’s] kind of sad I found this out, that they are not allowed to same my name in the house,” Camille told Anderson. “So these poor kids, my daughter and my son, can’t say my name in their father’s house.” (I’m presuming their kids don’t go around saying “Camille,” but rather the use of the word “Mom” isn’t permitted in Casa de Douchebag.)

Camille also claimed that even though Kelsey is remarried with a five-month-old daughter, their divorce is still not finalized. Um…

“For the most part, I thought they were done because we came to agreement basically on everything and then I kept getting emails every other week from his lawyers that he wanted to keep changing things,” recalled Camille, adding that they were supposed to sign the papers a year ago but Kelsey “bailed” before they could go through with it. “So on my end, I said, ‘OK, I agree to all of this,’ but he keeps making changes. So I feel that, at this point, he is prolonging the process.”

Um, yeah. Because he’s obsessed! Kelsey continues to slam Camille any chance he gets, but doesn’t seem to want to let her go. It’s quite creepy, actually. Kelsey makes the whole Halle/Gabe situation seem like puppies and rainbows. Can he get over himself already?